The Silly Millimeter: furnishing the apartment

Back in the 60's, when cigarette companies were allowed to advertise on U.S. TV...and have fun doing it, there was a company called Benson and Hedges who gained notoriety by offering a 100 mm cigarette that was longer than anything else on the market. (until a competitor offered one that was a 'silly millimeter longer')

Anyway, the ads for Benson and Hedges featured people's cigarettes not quite fitting in tight places. Elevator doors would close, snipping off the end, doors would close in front of them, crushing them...you get the idea.

This brings me to the saga of furnishing the Sydney apartment. You see, our building is quite small, with only one apartment per floor, so it is rare that more than 2 or 3 people ride the elevator up or down. So, the designers of the building decided to put more square meters in the apartment, and less in the elevator. Essentially, the elevator is the size of a small closet. (even small by Sydney standards, which is a subject for another day) It's something that's not really noticed in day to day life.

However....when it's time to furnish the apartment (which has relatively sizable rooms), it becomes the bane of every delivery man's existence.

So, as I was heating up my American Express card to turbo shop for 'disposable', but passable furniture, I came across a leather sofa and love seat at a really good price. After sitting on nothing but the floor and my inflatable mattress for two weeks, the thought of having a real seating surface was irresistible. When the guy in the furniture store said he could deliver it that day, I was ready to kiss him on his semi toothless mouth!

When the two delivery blokes arrived, they tackled the love seat first. It was then I learned that cheap, leather furniture has the illusion of cushions, but in fact, somehow they make it all in one piece....nothing comes apart. this can be a problem. After squishing the one piece loveseat through the door, into the' lift', and into my living room, it was time to bring up the sofa. Again squishing it through the door, they arrived at the lift and began to load it inside. And here's where the cigarette commercial becomes relevant. It seems that a fully assembled cheap leather sofa with cushions is about a millimeter longer than will fit in my lift. Trying every conceivable angle and orientation, the millimeter continued to triumph.

At this point, one of the guys told the guy who appeared to own the truck to 'Tell the Laydee that we tried but we can't get this in her apawtment'.

So their suggestion was that they drop it in the parking garage, and I could figure out a way to get it to the apartment.

'No that won't work for me. If you can't get it to my apartment, please remove the loveseat, put both of them back in your truck, and arrange for my refund.'

Luckily for me, it was late in the afternoon, and they had a full schedule of deliveries beginning early the next day. And since the next day was Sunday, they couldn't take my stuff back until Monday....no room in the elevator, no room in the truck!

Then I remembered the fire stairs!! By building had 2 sets. After playing the dumb helpless female to the hilt (and dangling a $50 bill in front of them), they agreed to try to hike the sofa up to my 5th floor apartment. While the corners on the fire stairs were tight, 2 hours later, I had a sofa in my apartment!

So, when my queen sized mattress arrived 2 days later, I did not even bat an eye when the mattress missed fitting in the elevator by just this much....

I knew to have a cold bottle of water waiting at the top of the fire stairs....